Roe Couture DeSaro: Get Your Gutsy Goddess On And Be Who You Are Meant To Be
Learn how to tap into your Gutsy Inner Goddess expert. Roe Couture DeSaro, owner of Gutsy Gals Get More, LLC, sits down with Karen Pulver and the Goddesses as she teaches you how to tap into identifying who you are and the why of what you want. Not only that, but she also empowers you to do what you are ready and willing to do but still honor who you are at the same time. Believing “you cannot build the house without foundation,” Roe’s coaching style will help uncover your WHY to your business, setting you up with the foundation for success. What is more, she then shares the four archetypes that make us who we are: QUEEN, MOTHER, WISE, and WARRIOR. Tune into this exciting conversation as Roe helps us be the Goddesses we are meant to be, with the qualities of compassion, hard work, wisdom, and fierceness.
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Roe Couture DeSaro: Get Your Gutsy Goddess On And Be Who You Are Meant To Be
Our guest is Roe Couture DeSaro is a multi-award-winning entrepreneur, life coach for businesswomen who want it all, mindset, money marketing certified coach, certified facilitator. Roes is the Creator of women’s courageous conversations, women’s circles, TEDx speaker, Conversational Intelligence enhanced skills practitioner and certified Core Values Index practitioner who is training for feminine power coaching, facilitator and leadership.
Roe sent me this along with her bio, “I can tell you all the accreditations to prove my qualifications but the most important ones are the life lessons and experiences I have. I’ve made some incredible bad mistakes and I’ve made some great off the chart decisions. My rabbit holes have been many and so have my successful comebacks. I have taken many risks, said yes to opportunities I felt I had no business saying yes to. I have accomplished things that led to breaking glass ceilings for women only to lose it all and start over in my mid-40s with two young kids. All of this gave me the title of pioneer trailblazer, changemaker and the original Gutsy Gal. At the end of the day, the truth is I am no different than you. I am human, a work in progress. Even at 63, you are a gutsy gal too.
I am a gal trying to make the best of my life and bring other women to find their best life because in the end, if I am a pioneer, the only, not many women, that’s what’s the point. We are in this together. I am here for the victory of all of us together, achieving what we are worth because the new world needs us more than ever. All in all, I am an all-round gutsy gal with a big heart for women to be feminine leaders who make their mark.”
Thank you, Roe, for joining us on the show.
I’m happy to be here.
We’re happy to have you. You have many hats as I listed. There are many things going on in your life especially now with COVID and pivoting. Can you tell us about your journey and perhaps touch on some things that you dealt with in your earlier career and what you’re doing now?
My career started on Wall Street because I had a vision. I had a vision. I had a mission that women can do what a man can do. I had this deep belief and there was something. I don’t know why God put it into my intuition that I was the one that’s going to go out there and prove it. Not that I thought I was smart, not that I thought I was capable. I was pissed off that I felt women weren’t getting their fair share and men were. I happened to be lucky growing up in the ‘50s and ‘60s with one of the few moms, if not the only mom that had a full-time job with five kids.You will find your courage in the willingness. Click To Tweet
I had a leadership example that was there. I also, on the flip side, had a lot of men coming on to me and doing inappropriate things to me. I was getting these mixed messages in the world. I was like, “This is not fair.” That’s why I went to Wall Street. I said, “If we’re going to prove it, where are you going to prove it?” I wanted to make money as well. I had a lot of friends that were on Wall Street making a lot of money. I said, “I’m going to go to Wall Street.” That’s where I started.
Within six months, I got promoted to a front desk, front office so to speak. I was there for six years. Almost eight years until they went under. That’s where I broke my glass ceilings. I climbed the ladders. I became the first woman to host a lot of roles that would never have been hosted by women before. I achieved that scenario but the stock market crashed, talking about the first global crisis. After that crashed, my company went under, a lot of companies went under. I went through a series of mergers and acquisitions and I found myself lost everything. Where do I start now? My husband and I had built and designed our own home. Our bills were stacked high. My back was up against the wall. I was no longer bringing in the income that I was bringing. We had these huge finances. We were young. When people were saying save for the rainy day, I was like, “Why? I’m doing well. I know it’s only going to get better.” That’s what happens when you’re successful in your twenties. I worked across the street from Bloomingdale’s. I could not work it. I couldn’t help it.
I lived at home. Mom paid all the bills. I didn’t have any bills. By the time I paid it, it went to close. Lessons learned and things like that. I went into direct sales and I did okay with that. I thought I found everything. My brother-in-law asked me to be a partner with him when he was starting his own hedge fund day trading firm. He wanted me to run the organization and be a partner with him. I have my own business yet I’m independent. It’s like the best of both worlds. For ten years, I went back and forth between Corporate America and entrepreneurship.
I had a set point, I could only make like $50,000, $60,000 as an entrepreneur. That wasn’t enough for the lifestyle that I had. I would go back to Corporate America but then Corporate America would piss me off. I would go back to entrepreneurship. It was a seesaw battle for those ten years. Finally, I thought I made it. We built that business to $1 million in revenue. We started off with five traders. We had 100 traders and then 9/11 hit. I was there on that day. It completely changed my mind.
I witnessed the first plane hit. I was running late for work. I was taking the boat from New Jersey in the Hudson River. I ran from the second plane. I was right up to the building. I wasn’t inside the building. I was out on the ground. After that, my whole definition of success completely changed. I had a 4-year-old and an 8-year-old at home at that time. I was taking a ferry to work. After that, the Staten Island ferry crashed. Some people died on their way to work within a few months after 9/11. My four-year-old son was praying at our dinner table that, “Thank God mommy didn’t fall when the towers fell and the boat crashed.”
It was a stab in my heart every day. My kids had fear of me going to work. I’m like, “What am I doing?” The whole definition of success and that’s when I started searching for my calling and why did God put me here? Why am I here? That’s what brought me to now, what I wanted to do in the ‘90s but I was too afraid to do. It was about getting back to empowering women and getting back into that whole area. Long story short because of 9/11 and the lessons that I learned from that day, which was ten years later, I started my business at 55 years old to be out here helping and coaching women entrepreneurs.
You got a degree in Psychology, yet you found that you were good in math and science. You push yourself and you got that job on Wall Street. It blows my mind that many women don’t feel confident that they can do these things and look at you.
It was interesting. I wanted to be the psychologist for the stockbrokers. I winded up in marketing and sales. My position was selling to the salesman. I had a schmooze. I had to build relationships. I had to communicate with them. I didn’t need the financial aspect but because I was good in math, I was able to pass all the tests that I have to take, the series seven and all those financial tests that you have to take. It turned out to be a good thing but it was mainly because I had a mentor that helped tell me what to look for on Wall Street and how to get a job in the front office. I turned down tons of positions because of that. It didn’t fit my criteria.
I put in criteria of like, “This is what I want. I’m not saying yes until I find it.” I wasn’t hungry for money. I was young. I was living at home. I was like, “I’ll take that advantage.” The first day when I worked there, there’s a black man who sat next to me and he said, “Do you want to do what I’m doing?” I went, “Yeah.” He says, “Pick up the phone.” I’m like, “What do you mean? I’m not qualified to pick up that phone.” He says, “Any broker that knows what they’re doing is going to ask us by name. They won’t speak to you because they don’t know who you are. If anyone does speak to you, that means they probably know less than you so trust me.” I went, “Okay.” He was 100% correct. That’s how I got visibility. That’s how I got noticed because he gave me that little belief, encouragement that we all need. I was able to say yes.
We all need those angels in our lives that push us. Can you expand a bit on what you’re doing with Gutsy Gals?
When I was getting back into the workforce, I was going to networking events. I was in a direct sales company. I was starting to see women playing small. I was out of the world with women for a while building my stock trading company. I was the only female. It was all men. There were two female traders, one was my friend and my niece. I was like, “I thought women had come much further from when I was in the ‘80s and here.” It wasn’t. I got pissed off. I’m like, “I’ve got to do something about this.”
I started working with a coach. At the same time, I was trying to find my calling and I realized I need to go out there and support women to tap into who they are, tap into their belief of what they’re capable of doing and identify themselves as capable, ready and willing to do what they need to do and honor who they are at the same time. That’s what I do. I help women who step into their power in their business but not sacrifice, not get overwhelmed, not get into this stress and not step into being a man and thinking that we need to be a man in order to be successful but stepping into our goddess. From this place of the goddess, we’re able to create an amazing contribution to the world and amazing give back to the world. Gutsy Gals Get More was born because of that.
I appreciate you spending time with me on the phone, talking with me in a consultation. You and I touched on a lot of personal things. Your Psychology degree was apparent because I too studied psychology. I know that you were able to ask me the business aspect of it but also the real Gutsy Gal of what is stopping you from doing more, what is stopping you from pushing this or doing that and getting to the core of why I am doing Grateful Goddesses. What message do I want to spread? What is the why? What is the reason? What steps besides the podcast, the YouTube, what else could I be doing to reach what is that target audience?
You and I talked a lot about that and I appreciate that because it helped me to think. I always knew why I was doing it but to understand why, not just it’s fun or it’s this or it’s not that, it is my passion. I’m feeling the flow but then everything follows. You seem like you take actionable steps to help things move forward. That’s important. A lot of coaches out there, although great, they focus not so much on the inner workings of what the core is of the business, of what you’re doing, don’t you think?Clarity proceeds money. Click To Tweet
Absolutely because what was happening to me is, I wanted to start off with the core and the transformation when I first started my business. I don’t know if we want to go into this but I got sidestepped. I started doing more of the business coaching. What I was starting to find was with women when we would start the coaching and teaching the how-tos, all the inner transformation and all the playing small and everything was like revealing itself. I’d be like, “We need to step back. We need to take two steps back so you could take these two steps forward. We’re putting the cart before the horse and how-tos will come but you need to have a solid foundation of who you are first.” I was getting more back into that. 2020 with COVID-19, I’ve stepped into that even more so. I’ve made a commitment to focus more on being a life coach for entrepreneurs.
As you stated to me, you can’t build a house without the foundation. I’d like to bring on our Featured Goddesses now to dive deeper into that foundation with you. Michelle is going to start.
It’s nice to listen to your story. What also touched me is that you started your business at 55 because I’m 55 and I’m reinventing myself now or trying to figure out where I want to go so that was inspirational. Thank you for that. Women are different from men. We have our own ways to approach things and certainly a business. Everybody, not just women, can self-sabotage. I’m wondering some ways that maybe women self-sabotage when trying to start their business and if you can offer any advice in that area.
I’m glad you said that because one of the things that I’ve been finding out is that when I first started in the ‘80s, it was about women proving that we could have a job, that we could do what a man can do. Today’s woman is more self-actualizing into her highest potential. It’s like, “What am I here to contribute to this world? Why am I here and into this calling?” I jotted my clients are the 50s, 60s and 70s. I love it. I have a mom who’s 91 that’s still working and still doing things. Women are stepping into their highest peak performance. It’s not about getting a job anymore. It’s about, “I wanted to be the best that I can be.”
I’m happy to hear you’re saying that. As far as self-sabotaging, what women are doing, I’ve worked with this beautiful woman research and coach. She’s been helping women for 25 years in feminine power. She identified 21 different inner barriers that hold women back and that are separate, different and isolated from men. Men have their own issues. Not that they’re perfect and they don’t have their own issues. They certainly do. It’s different but we’re all different.
It’s like men are from Mars and women are from Venus. It’s the same way in business. The three most common are I’m invisible, I’m alone and I’m not enough. I’m not enough could be I’m not smart enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not old enough. I’m not good enough, whatever enough you want to put in front of that. Our perception of who we are, what we’re capable of doing, what isn’t is impossible for us is hurting our identity as who we identify ourselves to be. That being person is not showing up. We get stuck in the do, do, do mode, which is masculine.
They’re different things we’re not tapping into. I do exercise about masculine and feminine. Women come in all the time. I start with the masculine. What are the characteristics that you connect with, that you resonate with, that you feel safe with? They’ll find about 5 out of 30 that they feel safe with. They always feel that these are the characteristics that make a successful business owner. The female-typical characteristics like who says what makes women feminine and what makes men masculine, the typical that we know.
They resonate, love and connect with about 15, 20 of the 30. Yet when they look at how they’re showing up in business and do you believe that there’s the power behind here? They were looking at it, “This is weak.” It’s weak to be emotional. It’s weak to have all those traits. They finally see the disconnect of how we’re shutting. We’re not empowering our feminine essence when it comes to business. We shut it down because we think that’s not what’s going to help us become successful. We try and force to implement the masculine when it’s not natural. That’s the problem. That’s where we’re self-sabotaging ourselves.
We have to connect with our own self and be authentic and who we are and know that we’re fierce and move forward in a big way.
When reading about you, you mentioned having brothers and they would call you dumb when you were young. I had a similar situation. I know you and I talked about that. I didn’t read until second grade. My older brother called me stupid and dumb all the time. I know you and I talked about that because those little episodes that happen when you’re younger can have quite an effect and stay with you. When you’re trying out new things, perhaps in business, at least for me, I was sharing with you that although I have a degree in Psychology, I am a teacher, I have all these credentials but I feel like, do I have enough to be doing this, to be spreading? There are life experiences but then you see men who may not have all those credentials and they’re doing it.
There are studies that if you ask a man, “We have this job opening, will you take it?” They’re not qualified at all. They’re like, “Yeah, no problem.” The woman is like, “No, I need to take this class. I need to do this,” because we’re problem solvers. Men are action takers. We need to assess. We assess situations. We saw it. We come up with great solutions but the problem is those solutions take time. The masculine success world we live in doesn’t want to take time because they’re like the bottom line. That’s where the gender blind spots come in. That’s where we also self-sabotage ourselves because we don’t stand up that, “Give me some time and I will come up with the best solution you’ve ever seen. This will change this company. This will change everything. If you want an answer for me right now, that’s not how I operate.”
I like the gender blind spot term. You need to coin that.
I have the URL. I’m in the process of putting together a summit for 2021 because this is a courageous conversation that we need to have in the world and that men want to have and need to have as well. Men don’t understand how we think and how we operate. They expect us to have to act like them. When there’s that disconnect, that communication breakdown, what happens is we feel small, we feel intimidated and it shuts us down. We walk away and we hide and then they get all the glory.
Rachel, you’d like to ask?Focus on what is the problem that you want to solve. Click To Tweet
Your story resonates with me. I love it. It’s funny, my background, I was in technology. I was in computer consulting and then it became internet consulting. I worked with almost all men all the time. It’s shaped the way I communicate as well, direct and straightforward. You don’t assume a lot of emotion around what you’re saying and you say it like it is. That’s good for you, the way you use speak because you can translate like that direct way of communicating as a woman and still having all of those feminine qualities. I love the thing that you’ve been saying.
I call that the queen archetype. We have four archetypes of who we are. We’re the queen, the mother, the wise woman and the warrior, but that queen archetype is that women that could have those boundaries that could be firm or compassionate. She could bring love into the equation and show love yet don’t let people walk all over her. I love that.
I’m 50 and trying to figure out the next steps. It’s interesting because I worked with my first two children. By the time I had my third, my husband was traveling a lot. He was doing well in his career and we didn’t need my salary anymore. I got into community activism. It’s been a gift to do that. I’m ready to do something more too. What advice do you have for someone who is trying to step into their own power? I could play with the big boys and internet consulting but now I want to do something that suits me.
My recommendation is one, spend time on learning who you are and understanding who you are and take a look at, “What’s the problem that I want to solve? What’s the problem that I can solve?” Everyone has problems and probably even more so than ever. The world needs your gifts and your talents more than ever. What is that gift? What is that talent? What are your accomplishments? What are your desires? Tap into desires and tap into your yearnings. Not from trying to put it together from this masculine place of like, “What’s my goal? What’s the title that I want? What’s the position that I want? What do I want to do? I want to be a coach. I want to be a consultant. That’s too far ahead. It’s tapping into, “What is the problem that I want to solve? What are the problems that I see out there?”
You can get into why me? What are my experiences? Everything that I bring to the table is why am I so equipped to solve this problem for this? Who’s my destiny client? We look at clients as a whole. It’s not a mistake that women make. Instead of who’s my soul client? Who’s my soul destiny? Who am I destined to serve because of who I am, because of all the experiences I’ve had and because I’m tied in now to this problem that I’m capable of solving? I see these problems out there. I see how other people are doing it. I see it in a different way and owning that.
That’s the foundation piece that Karen was talking about is spending time on the foundation, how-tos will come. We try to step over that piece and go straight into the how-tos. That’s when you’ll get stuck as a brand-new person like, “I want to monetize this. How do I Facebook Live? How do I do an email campaign? How do I create a website?” If you don’t have your message, the website is not going to talk to anyone because your message is going to be gobbled and it’s not going to make a home run to anyone. When you get clear, clarity comes and proceeds the money. Get clear on who you are. Get clear on your message, get clear on what the problem is you serve, and get clear on who you want to serve it to. Spend your time on that. Everything else will come. Tap into your knowing, tap into your intuition. I have a mentor. She calls it an inner business expert. Tap into her and take the time to think from that positive place so you can listen to yourself.
I’d like to piggyback off of that. We were talking to some of us the other day about Grateful Goddesses. When I started this back in 2009 here in Chicago and had gatherings, it was for women. That’s how it was advertised. This is for women. That was my target audience or people to help women especially those over 40, who are struggling with finding their identities now after raising kids or leaving a job and trying to figure out what is more their passion. Now this platform, I was cognizant of making it a non-binary because I don’t know, I was like, “I don’t want to exclude people but it is mainly for women.” I’m curious what your thoughts are. I’ve said it’s non-binary and some men have shown up to the Grateful Goddesses Lives, which has been nice. I’ve heard from some women who’ve said, “I would have preferred to have been all women. I would have felt more comfortable.”
That’s a choice you have to make because there’s no right or wrong answer to that. I’ve worked with women for my whole life as a coach for the last several years. In 2020, I’m shifting into men because now women are saying, “Men need to know this.” Since I’ve worked in a man’s world, this is where that comes into. Am I qualified to work with men? Men respect me. I work well with men. I’ve had men tell me you would be great at teaching this to men. I’m starting to open that up but that’s several years later. It’s right either way. You could have a Grateful Goddess when men come in and then you can have it where it’s all women. It’s your choice. If you decide to have it with men and women and the woman that wants a woman only, she’s not the right woman for this program then.
I was thinking that. When you talk about who you are serving, it’s important to think about that because everything will flow. It’s fine to have both especially there are men who identify as women. There are women who identify as men. There’s much of a spectrum that I want this to be available to all.
I understand that women need to step into their power but men need to understand our power as well and somebody needs to tell them that. It’s from this place of, “If they understand that then we’re going to have our partners to be able to step into our power even more and more doors would be open.” It is a backward way of helping women. Here’s the one other point I want to make. You don’t have to get stuck on who you choose now and you’re married to that for the rest of your life. It’s not a marriage. This is your business. This is what you want to do. You are going to evolve as you grow. As a brand-new business, we try to figure everything out now. You’re going to change. You’re going to evolve and things are going to happen. Let that happen. Know we’re in this growth mindset. I’m growing. Things will happen. The world changes. Things change. It’s okay. What you choose now doesn’t mean you’re stuck with it for the rest of your life.
I like that advice. In fact, one of the GGTV Live two times ago. We did have a male who was on and he shared something beautiful of what he felt after a meditation. I was surprised. I know him and he’s quite the manly man. He came out and he felt unconditional love. He felt supported. He felt like he could do no wrong. It was a beautiful feeling that he expressed and shared with us.
This is the future that I’m seeing is that men are tapping into that more and more.
Roe, it’s good to see you again. I had the pleasure of going to one of your classes. I love how much you mentioned about a lot of times in business we don’t always know the right steps to make. I’m sure you’ve had some mistakes in the past. How are you able to move past those mistakes or get yourself past those noes? You were saying, the voices in your head. Even now, a lot of people have an imposter syndrome or feeling that they can’t advocate for themselves in the positions that they want. What advice would you give for that?Do not step into thinking that we need to be a man in order to be successful. Instead, step into your goddess. Click To Tweet
I’ve made tons of mistakes but also at the same time, I’ve made a ton of great decisions as well and that’s life. We’re going to have both sides always. It’s always like this. It’s never straight up. One of the biggest mistakes I made is that when I first started my vision, it was women tapping into their empowerment side and tapping into their power. Within a year, I hired a coach who was getting certified in her programs and she makes multimillions. She came to me and said, “Women don’t invest in personal development. Women don’t invest in this and you’ll never make big money. If you want to make big money, it won’t work.”
She says, “Women will only buy skillset. Women invest in skillset. They don’t invest in themselves.” I looked at her as the guru, the expert. I’m like, “Here she is, she’s making multimillions as a coach. I’m starting out. She knows more than me. She knows better than me.” I bypassed my inner business expert. I said, “Maybe my intuition was wrong. Maybe now is not the time. I don’t want to struggle.” I listened to her. That’s when I shifted more into business coaching. I didn’t do my six figures out of the gate the first year. I didn’t do it the second year even though I’ve been successful in corporate and other things. Even in direct sales, I made six figures. I thought I’d easily make six figures again. Why not? No.
I made the mistake of letting other people’s advice overshadow what I was feeling in my body and what my own intuition was saying. That’s been a huge mistake and that’s why I do this work so much. I led myself by intuition my whole life but suddenly I was in a situation I was never in before. I didn’t have as much confidence as I had in other situations. I rationalized why I should listen to these people instead of listening. The way that I have now overcome it is I’ve implemented a lot of practices of tapping into my power. I don’t react. I respond. Back then, the masculine side of me always reacted.
Now I know it’s new, take a step back, breathe in. I have these practices. I call forth my power. I do from a meditation standpoint perspective or even visualizations. I have rituals that I’ve implemented to help me not make these mistakes or mistakes happen, not let them deter me down the wrong road. I am able to turn them around faster. I have one of these little cute practices that I do. I call it the critical voice, that judgmental voice. I take her outside of my body and I put her in timeout. Most of us are moms, as women, we understand what it’s like. We can put our kids in time out, with strong confidence and no.
I’ll look at it like on the outside. Give it a name and let’s say, Critical Christina, for example. It would be like, “You don’t have any right to talk to me that way. I would never speak to somebody else like that. Why would I allow you to speak to me like that? You go in and time out. When you’re ready, I don’t have time for you. I’ve got to do this presentation. I don’t have time to listen to this critical voice. You have no place.” It’s like the devil on one side and the angel on one side and who do you choose to listen to?
It’s like, “No, you’ve been like a double so I’m not listening. I’m putting the hand up. I’m not listening.” I create these games, take it out of your body because it’s not real. When it’s in our body, we’re in our head, we get disconnected from here and we shut off our heart. We shut off our intuition. We’re not hearing. We’re busy, doing, and we can’t hear what we need to hear. We’ve got to listen to ourselves. I’ve learned to listen to myself more and that’s how I get out of it.
One thing I learned from working with radio sometimes I would joke around. When you have all these different voices, it’s like the gargle sounds in between the station. You’ve got to keep fine-tuning until you can get back to the station that you’re looking for. For those that are photographers, focusing on what you want the picture of as opposed to all the other things that might be out of focus getting in your way. I love that you were talking about putting it in time out. You’ve got to punish it for the bad noises putting in your head. I enjoyed that one.
It comes down to self-love mastery. It comes down to having unconditional love for ourselves, having self-care, but self-care is not about taking a bath. That’s not self-love. That’s a reward for being a human being. Self-care is about being able to have cared for others but have cared for yourself at the same time. That takes practice because what I’ve seen is that women, lots of times, will shift over. They understand that. It’s my time. It’s me time. I’ve got to take care of me time. They do it complete 360. It’s almost like they shut out caring for others because they don’t know how to do both at the same time. It’s like let’s bring it back to the middle. We need to do both. It’s about taking care of ourselves and taking care of others.
That’s what championing all this comes in and women supporting women from the pet peeve or women supporting other women. We need to play team. We need to support one another. I’ve known I’m not here now if I didn’t have people and women that said, “You can do this. I know you can. I know that’s not a lie. I know that’s not you. Here’s what I see in you.” Be like, “We need that.” It’s all those practices together.
Many things of what you’re saying are resonating with me. One of our guests, Sarah Marshank, teaches a class called Selfistry. She does talk about being the witness to your many selves and stepping back and you don’t have the judgmental self, the critical, the kind, the emotional, whatever it is that’s popping up at that moment. If it’s not serving you, take a step back and say, “I see what you’re doing. Thank you but I’m not going to use your services.” Putting it aside, the Gazoo from the Flintstones. It’s up on your shoulder if you watch it.
That’s exactly what I was saying. Instead of being angry and beating yourself up and being mad about, “There I go again,” that’s such negative energy. There’s no good vibration in that. It’s like, “I understand it.” If you know neuroscience, it’s like, “Brain, I know you’re trying to protect me. I know you think I’m going to be doing. I’m taking this risk and I’m going to fall off the cliff. I understand that. That’s not the truth.”
You talked about amygdala hijack. I loved that, how one word can trigger the fight or flight. If someone says, “You’re stupid,” or “How stupid are you? You’re getting angry. You’re getting emotional again.” That can trigger you to fight or flight.
That hits the part of the brain where our fear lies and the self-doubt. When you’re hearing a whole life of fight, flight or freeze, the problem is when that activates and activates super-fast, it activates the other part of the brain that taps into the memories from when you were in your mother’s womb. Every single cell, every memory because the brain doesn’t have the ability to remember everything constantly. When you hijack that part of the brain, it’s activating all the negative, bad memories. How do we do that? It’s the third eye. This is where the woo-woo piece comes in because neuroscience is now agreeing with the woo-woo. They found in the ‘90s, the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is also what the spiritual world has been calling our third eye.
When that activates, that’s where love, compassion, trust activate this part of the brain. When you feel safe, that’s why women’s circles work. That’s why these conversations work, that’s why what you’re doing works because women feel safe. They’re able to shut off the fear part for a moment, listen and open up. When you open up that part of the brain, it opens up your creativity. It opens up your insights. It gives you wisdom. It’s shutting down all those bad memories. It allows you to now go out and do something new and be innovative. That’s what the neuroscientists, thank God, have helped us to be like, “There’s the truth behind all this. This is not us trying to convince you that you’re great.”We have to connect with our own selves. Just be authentic. Click To Tweet
We meditated with another guest, Tiffany Seybert, who did have us close our eyes and then focus on that third eye. She did talk about even by focusing on it, it releases chemicals that help you to be more creative, which is exactly what you’re saying.
An exercise to do that is to tap in and close your eyes, breathe in deep and then start tapping in. Put everything to one side, stop with the to-do’s and the stress and what you need to do. Tap into the woman of who’s that woman that shows up when you’re a great friend. Who are you when you are at your best? Who’s that woman of like, “I got this. This is my wheelhouse.” Tap into that. A lot of that could come out. From there, you could go into the negative stuff. When you bring up that, you show her empathy and compassion. You give empathy and compassion for I’m not good enough, whatever that is. When you give that empathy and compassion, it’s like wow. We have the resources. All these women are showing us the resources that we have inside of us that we could tap into at any moment in time, we could call forth our power so that if we get off course, call forth the power to get back on track and move forward. I love that because you have goddesses coming on.
Do any of you Featured Goddesses have any other questions for Roe?
It’s not a question. It’s a statement about what you said. I did that in an unorganized way or disorganized way but about thinking about who I am. Sometimes we can all get off track and I did. Pulling back and pulling up our inner goddess. That’s what I did. It helped. It grounds and centers you. Thank you for reminding me about that.
It’s a simple thing as what God is doing in this situation. My clients say, “What would a Gutsy Gal do in this situation?” They came to me. I never thought of that. Sometimes people will say, “What would Roe do?” I’m like, “No, it’s not what Roe would do.” It’s what would you do as a goddess? What would you do as a Gutsy Gal? You’re stepping into your queen, into your mother, into your wise woman, into your warrior. What would she do? It’s you.
We will learn the ready, willing and able. We get too caught up on thinking that I’m going to get ready until I get ready to. I’m getting ready to get ready. We never do anything but we are ready. We don’t get ready to get ready. We’re ready because if you have a desire, if you’re feeling that calling like Rachel, you’re feeling that calling to do something. You wouldn’t have that desire if you weren’t ready. All of us are able because every single person here has some unique brilliance about you. You have gifts. You have talents. We all have greatness in us.
Every single one of us has greatness. We’re all able. It’s the willing part that trips us up. You will find your courage and willingness. If you’ll look at the hierarchy of energy scales, willing is right in the middle. It’s right below courage. Willingness is right when you shift from self-doubt, shame, fear, anger, all of that. If you look in the middle of the scale is willing and above that, you start to see confidence. As you get to the top, it’s the joy and peace. Willingness is, are you willing to do what it takes but without the sacrifice? Are you willing to do what it takes as long as you’re still honoring who you are? The problem that women have is that we’re willing to do anything and we’ll burn the midnight oil.
That’s the mistakes that they make. Think about willingness, they attribute that to hard work. Work doesn’t have to be hard when you do it right the way. You can make more money in less time when you’re in the flow as we spoke about. I say is we create in the feminine. We plant it in the masculine but we execute it in the flow. I used to say we execute it in the masculine because of thinking that we needed to have that masculine energy to take action. When you have inspired action, it’s executing in the flow. You’re in the flow and now you’re inspired and no one’s going to stop you.
Roe, you’ve offered us so much words of advice, wisdom. If our readers want to contact you to speak with you, could you tell them how and perhaps some services that you’re able to give to them?
You could find me as @BeAGutsyGal on about all the social media channels, LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, the only one is Instagram, they wouldn’t give it to me. It’s @GutsyGal_Leaders. It used to be Gutsy Gal Goddess. I host Gutsy Gal gatherings. I do host women’s retreats, circles and group environments creating a safe routine. For example especially at the end of the year, at the beginning of the year, I’m always doing these ignite potential circles and activation. Especially in this world, the normal is never going to come back. The new normal is not going to be stagnant at all.
It’s going to be constantly changing and we need to get adjusted to that. Every quarter I am doing these circles that we need to find the fire in our soul and activate and do that. I host those a lot. My email is [email protected]. My website is Gutsy Gals Get More, so they can find me there as well and see what events and what programs I have coming up. I also have a private Facebook group, Courageous Conversations. I give away a lot of free content constantly and doing Facebook Lives all the time. Facebook is the best place to connect with me right now.
People can set up consultations like I did, which was helpful. Thank you.
I love to offer that to any of your goddesses. If they want a free consultation, I’d be happy to do that. It’s Bit.ly/chatwithroe.
Thank you, Roe, for helping us to listen to our intuition, to move forward in our passion, to recognizing our many roles of being a queen, warrior, wise woman, mother and self, and most importantly for taking care of ourselves to love and master our goddess and bring out our business experts. Thank you for joining us on the show.You don't have to get stuck on who you choose now. Click To Tweet
Thank you. It was such a pleasure being here. This was fun. It’s a pleasure meeting all the other goddesses. I love it.
Thank you for joining us on Favorite Things with our guest, Goddess Roe Couture DeSaro. This is like an adult show and tell. I brought along many books that I’ve enjoyed reading from past guests. We had a guest on Ellen Schwartz and this book is called Without One Word Spoken: 18 Life Lessons from Jacob. This is about her son who passed. He had Canavan’s disease. She talks about the many lessons that she learned. One of them is doing random acts of kindness. She has an amazing challah recipe, which is a Jewish egg bread that she makes and gives to people on Friday night.
I made challah and I’m going to be delivering it to my Chicago goddesses. Sorry girls from out of town but I’ll send you the recipe. I’m going to be dropping them off. I love that our guests have these wonderful lessons that we’re learning and I like to take them and act on them. This is another one, The Gift: 12 Lessons to Save Your Life by Dr. Edith Eger. It’s an amazing book. Every Woman Should Know Her Options by Laurie Itkin. This is great too. One of my favorites, Eaternity, this is our male goddess, Jason Wrobel. When you talk about Roe mentors, he is my mentor. He is my coach and he told me to go and do it. He said, “Enough planning, enough waiting until you’re ready and do it. If you make mistakes, you’ll learn from them.” Thank you for that. I’d like to have Camille share hers.
My mom is an artist, Olivia Gatewood. For the first time since March, she allowed us over to her house/gallery, and this piece spoke to all of us immediately. We went into the house and I found out it was called freedom. I love that feeling of expression, feeling free in the world. It looks like a girl, my daughter, in my head anyway, jumping into a pool, which is something that we have not been able to do since the pandemic. That whole feeling of letting yourself go and it fits perfectly with what we’re talking about and this sense of go with it, do it, be free. Freedom, that would be mine.
Your mom is such a great artist. I understand she’s also going to be in the Brushes with Cancer in 2021. That’s was another guest we had, Jenna Benn Shersher. She has this amazing organization, Brushes with Cancer. She pairs artists with cancer survivors to tell their stories. Camille’s mom is going to be one of the artists.
She’s a ten-year survivor of breast cancer and I was her caregiver doing it. I’m excited about her being able to share it. She was one of those that didn’t talk a lot during the struggle and the fight because she was scared. Now to be able to be on the other side of it and give others hope and inspiration and share her art at the same time.
I’m glad you shared that on the show.
As you’ve been talking about planning and organizing, I love the notebooks that I write in. It is grid paper. I feel like the masculine side of me and I like things to be lined up and organized. This brings me joy but I also want to do a shout out at the store that I buy it from. It’s called Martha Mae. It’s in Andersonville but they closed but you can still order. She has the most beautiful packaging. She has the most beautiful office art supplies. It’s a great place to buy gifts. I bought Karen one of these notebooks as well for her birthday. It’s the feminine side of the business, showing herself and her packaging and her branding and I love it.
Michelle, what did you bring?
Speaking of showing something before, I realized that I’ve already highlighted this but it is my favorite. Given the topic and Roe being here, it’s my I can and I will necklace. It makes me feel so powerful. I’ve been going through a lot in the last year and a half. There are moments where you feel weak or defeated or whatever but I’ve been reminded that I can and I will. I’m going to bring out my inner goddess. I hate to say it but people do think of it as our masculine side. I love, Roe, that you helped me to reshape that. It’s who I am. I know I’ve got it about this.
I said this before, Michelle, you are an inspiration to me with your strength. She has been through a lot and you inspire me every day. You can, you will, and you are. Roe, what did you bring along?
Like Michelle, I’m wearing it. Every time I wear this piece, I love it. One of the other things I do is run a women’s business network. I partnered with a global company and one of the members is Untamed Hearts. She makes this beautiful jewelry that it’s infused with energies. Each piece has a meaning behind it. This is a flame. This is like sticks and on fire and the flame. She calls it an inner flame. It’s to remind me that as I am lighting the flame of women around the world, I’m not dimming my own flame at the same time. It’s that balance piece. I feel powerful when I wear it. I have other pieces of hers that have different meanings and different things. I love symbols and stuff. I have my wild at heart little bag. This is the bag that I carry around. It’s supposed to be a makeup bag but I put my pens, phone and glasses. I carry that around the house. It reminds me of wild at heart.
Who is the artist?Work doesn't have to be so hard when you do it the right way. Click To Tweet
It’s Julia Bernadsky and her company is Untamed Hearts.
Thank you for sharing. I want to put that in the blog so people can look her up. I wonder if she makes a goddess necklace. I’ll have to see.
She makes branding pieces too. I’ve been talking with her about making a Gutsy Gal piece. She’s got beautiful angels, angel rings, angel earrings and angel necklaces. It’s beautiful stuff. You’re going to love it.
Thank you for sharing your inner flame. Don’t put that out. You keep that burning. I know that this episode is going to inspire many women to unleash their inner goddess of growth, business, confidence, joy and passion. Thank you for coming, Roe. It was a pleasure.
It’s such a pleasure meeting you all. It’s such a pleasure seeing what you’re doing, Karen, with this program, I love it. Women need this. Men need this. We all need this. Thank you.
- Roe Couture DeSaro – LinkedIn
- Gutsy Gals
- Sarah Marshank – Past Episode
- Tiffany Seybert – Past Episode
- @BeAGutsyGal – Twitter
- LinkedIn – Be A Gutsy Gal
- Facebook – Be A Gutsy Gal
- @GutsyGal_Leaders – Instagram
- [email protected]
- Gutsy Gals Get More
- Courageous Conversations – Facebook Group
- Ellen Schwartz – Past Episode
- Without One Word Spoken: 18 Life Lessons from Jacob
- The Gift: 12 Lessons to Save Your Life
- Every Woman Should Know Her Options
- Brushes with Cancer
- Martha Mae
- Untamed Hearts
About Roe Couture DeSaro
Roe is a multi-award-winning entrepreneur, TEDx speaker rand the go-to expert for women leaders to break through their limits and current level of business to create more impact, income, and influence without the struggles and sacrifices. Her programs provide unique experiences where you get to transform the way you think about your business, money, clients, and yourself so that you can have absolute clarity, empowered boundaries and unshakable confidence in everything you do in your business and life. Roe’s advocacy for supporting women to ‘drop the playing small game’ and monetizing their legacy has grown into a glorified success. She’s witty and powerful and works with women to embrace their authenticity and feminine brilliance at any age.
You’ll instantly find her Brooklyn accent magnetic, as she exemplifies the accolades of“Street smarts with heart.” Mentoring women for almost 40 years, Roe asks you to “Be A Gutsy Gal”. By combining her own street smarts, femininity, values, and heart with her immersion in psychology, neuroscience, and personal development she broke several glass ceilings on Wall St, held high-level corporate leadership positions, built largely sales teams and became an international best-selling author and a US three-time best-selling author while being married, raising two children, serving for non-profits, and women’s organizations, most recently as Managing Director for eWomenNetwork, the world’s most premier resource for helping women to grow their businesses. Most importantly she created the boundaries to have the time to enjoy it all.
She created a world where females have their voice respected; because she learned how to do it herself. Roe touches a chord, spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally and has experienced women taking more risks and achieving more than they never had before. Under her leadership and coaching, breakthroughs occur and her GutsyGal gatherings are sold-out. Today she loves coaching ‘Women Leaders’ to build a profitable business
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